Where's the Romance?
Dear Horace Greeley,
Is romance dead? Living in the land of situationships and instant gratification it seems like meet-cutes and electric sparks are a story of the past. Now the most romantic it gets is a Tinder hook-up who can remember your last name. Is it possible to have a love story with both passion and security? Why do we have to choose?
Old-Fashioned Romantic
Dear Old-Fashioned,
“Romance” is not only a highly subjective idea, but it’s a moving target as well. In ancient times, marital ties were made when one tribe raided another and carried off the women. Later, diplomacy formalized this arrangement so that couples were married to solidify political ties. The notion that one had to be “in love” with one’s spouse (or even to meet them!) before the wedding took place didn’t come about until medieval times, and even then it was nice to have, but not necessary.
The kind of formalized courtship that leads to a feeling of love that makes marriage an attractive prospect to the two participants came even later, in Victorian times, although marriage by arrangement is still practiced in many parts of the world.
A story with two people who meet each other in person (as opposed to online or through an app), spend time together, discover areas of compatibility, fall in love, and stay together forever is still not just possible, but believable. In fact, it’s still a mainstay of the romance genre of literature. Even in the real world, there are still plenty of people who don’t have to choose between passion and security because they won’t stand for it. Love should never be about settling for what you can get, rather than what you truly desire and know you deserve.
But rather than bemoan the fact that newer forms of courtship seem to be supplanting those we grew up seeing in the media, why not try seeing the romance in newer forms of courtship? What are the possibilities for conflict available in newer forms of meeting and getting to know one another? (Hint: you pointed them out in your question!) And just because two people meet online or over Tinder doesn’t mean that their relationships have to be any less passionate or secure as any other.
At the end of the day, you’re going to write stories for an audience of one: yourself. If you create stories that are satisfying to you, even if they are old-fashioned, others will read the genuine emotion and find them satisfying as well.
Your humble servant,
Horace Greeley